Why Is It So Hard to Give Feedback?

One of the tougher parts of feedback is giving negative feedback –

Why is it so difficult? A few thoughts –

We are not willing to be blunt. We “dance” around the issue. There is little clarity in what we say.

We often “hamburger” it – meaning we start with something that is soft and gentle (the bottom part of the bun), then hit them with the hard news (the meat), and then close with something soft and gentle (the top bun). What a mixed message!

We wait until “the straw breaks the camel’s back.” Things build up and then we finally burst with the message. Often, the person is quite shocked that we have exploded.

We do not close with a specific plan. We are so relieved that we got the tough message out that we do not sustain the focus to close on specific next steps.

We think they heard and understood us.  This is why it can be so helpful to follow up these types of conversations with a written note containing a reiteration of what was said.